Q: How do you define 144 Chelsea fans
A: Gross Stupidity
Two
blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man
and a Chelsea fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When
the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"
A little boy took his parents to court because
he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because
he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats
me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to
live with Southampton FC, because they don't beat anyone!!"
Apparantly, Blackburn football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.
- they've been
claiming for Silver Polish for the past 30 years.
Q: What's the difference between an Everton fan
and a supermarket trolley?
A: The trolley has a mind of it's own.
Q:
How many Manchester City
soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
Q. What's the difference between a Hibernian
fan and a coconut?
A. You can get a drink out of a coconut!
A Bloke walks into
a bric-a-brac shop and sees an ornamental brass rat, the sort of thing women of a certain age love to put on the mantlepiece.
He thinks "that'll be perfect for his Mother's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.
"£25 for the rat,
£100 for the story", replies the man.
"Forget the story"
says the bloke, and so buys the rat for 25 quid. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 30 yards when a rat comes up
from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following
the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after
each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....
"Aaaah", says the
shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story"
"Screw the story
- do you have a brass man utd fan?"
A Rangers and Celtic fan get into a nasty car
accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out
of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our
cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends
and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The Rangers fan replied,"Totally
agree - this must be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely
demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and
kicking?"
He hands the bottle
to the Celtic fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to
the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the Celtic fan. The
Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Rangers fan replies, "Nah...I think I'll just wait for the police......"
A wee fella hands over a £50 note to the turnstile
operator at St James Park
Fella:
Two please.
Turnstile Operator: Will that be defenders or strikers,
sir?
